OwZat!

If you've ever tried to shop for a decent pair of 38" jeans, you'll probably realise that fat blokes suffer from all sorts of discrimination in today's size-0 world. They are constantly condemned as a public health problem, long haul flights are an absolute misery, and the girls just never go for it (personality my arse).

Nature is against us too - we know that in a perfect universe the laws of physics would operate differently and man boobs would not inhibit a nice, flat throw from third man to wicket keeper. Happily, there is a long and honourable tradition of cricket of welcoming the overweight into its flabby fold (see Martin Williamson and Andrew Miller's excellent article at cricinfo.com). The fantastically named Dwayne Loverock (only joking - Dwayne Leverock) represents Bermuda effectively at international level, in spite resembling Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor. Nor is it very hard to think of guys with a bit too much wood who have played at the very highest level. Some, like Mr Flintoff, have chosen to throw aside their portly pedigree for the sake of a few extra yards of pace. For others, like the beloved Inzy, diets have come at the expense of cricketing success.

Of course, as Ramesh Powar could tell you, the greatest hope of the portly cricketer is not the destructive battling of these giants of the game (many chubbers at village level make this mistake, without considering the need for nimble footwork), nor indeed a permanent spot in the slips, but spin bowling. It is a wily and enigmatic art which really has nothing to do with the laws of skinny-physics, and everything to do with a mysterious quality imparted by God into the sausage fingers and fatty wrists of a privileged minority of the world's cricketing population. And you don't need much of a run up either.

If we are to maintain the traditions of the game, then the ICC must get its house in order. I recommend that every team in international cricket should be obliged to field an improbably lardy player in every match. To this end, I recommend the recall of Robert Key.